Tender Mercies

My aunt connected me with this article.  I cried.  Every day, Steven tells me that I "do so much" and I usually just feel like all I did that day was battle my baby to sleep, and I am SO exhausted.  But this article buoyed me up a little.  My very favorite part of the article was the last statement:

"Take a deep, slow breath. Close your eyes and measure your day not as tasks, but as feelings, as sounds, as colors. Exhaustion is part of it. And it’s true, you will get “nothing” done. But the hard parts will fade. The intense, burning love is what remains, and it is yours to keep forever."

If there are any other new (or not so new) mommas out there that feel like I have for the last 3 months, read the article.  And cry with no shame. :)

Well, I took the plunge!

I made my own laundry soap, that is.  It was easy.  Well, not "buy pre-made" easy, but it certainly wasn't difficult.  It took me about a half an hour (and I think that's just because I grated the soap and then ground it up to powder...), and now I have soap for... well, honestly, probably at least a year.  We'll see.
I wish I had some good advice to give anyone who is considering doing this, but I'm not really sure I do.  Maybe after I've used it for a while I will have some words of wisdom for you all.  I do believe that it will save me money (though I'm not sure how much... I should figure that out.)  The one thing I would say to someone thinking about making your own laundry soap is this:  Call a grocery store bakery (I called Smith's) and ask if they have any frosting buckets.  A lot of the blogs that I read about homemade laundry soap said that they bought a large container to put it in, but the 2 gallon frosting bucket from the Smith's Bakery was big enough (barely...).  And it was FREE!  And I don't know about any of you, but if I'm out to save money, I don't want to be spending money on things that I can get for nothing.  Call me crazy.
Anyway, I'll probably give an update/review of the laundry soap sometime in the coming months (weeks? I don't know).  In the mean time, if anyone who lives around here wants to try using some without "taking the plunge" I'll be happy to let you sample it to see if you like it.

I've Learned...

Being a mom is hard.  I knew that, but I don't think you can really know that unless you've actually tried it.  Being a mom is also very rewarding.  I also knew that, but as with the hard thing, I don't think you can know that for real unless you've been there.

I've realized recently that my baby is just... well, growing.  Much to my dismay.  Just kidding.  Sort of.  I look back at pictures taken when he was only days or weeks old, and I marvel at how much he's grown since then.  Putting away baby clothes is so sad!  (I actually saw an outfit at Kohls that is the same as one I had for him as a newborn, but bigger... I almost bought it so I could pretend...)  He is (well was at his 2 month check-up) in the 95th percentile for height.  My kid is tall.  Putting him in "3 month" pajamas is not possible.  He's wearing pj's that are size 6 months.  He looks way more comfy, but... He's just so TALL!

I figured out this morning that he doesn't like being swaddled anymore.  I should have taken a hint when he would SCREAM whenever I would try to get him to sleep.  I think we were both frustrated.  I would just sit there in the chair and let him cry it out, until finally he was apparently too exhausted to care whether his arms and legs (well usually just legs... he's good at getting his arms out) were immobile.  He would whimper until he was finally out, and I'd put him down.  This morning, I realized that he was kicking in his bed until the blanket was off his feet.  And then he sprawled.  It was pretty funny.  And a light bulb went off in my head.  Maybe I should try not wrapping him up at all.  (which made me sad because I FINALLY found some blankets I felt I could wrap him in without him cooking...) Well, I did.  I just held him horizontal in my arms, put his blanket next to his face, and it was like magic.  Seriously.  He was asleep in seconds.  I didn't even have time to get up and take him to his bed so he could fall asleep there.  I sat there in shock, just staring at him and feeling really bad about all those times we sat there just being frustrated with each other.  I can only hope that next time I need to learn something, it's not so long before I figure it out.  Life will be much happier if it isn't.

My mom gave us a bumbo seat.  I love it.  He likes to sit up, but if I'm being honest, there are things I should  be doing during the day, and I can't just sit and hold him upright all day (as much as I'd really love that... anyone know why the cleaning fairies haven't made it to my house???).  He lets me know when he's sick of it too... and it's pretty hilarious.  He just yells.  And if I go up to him and talk to him, he sometimes stops, but sometimes he just looks at me and keeps yelling until I pick him up.

Bennett is pretty consistent with sleeping through the night (unless, of course, I'm not consistent with putting him to bed when I should.  Interesting how if he is up too late, he gets up more during the night...).  I just need to get good at going to bed when he does so I can fully benefit from his 8 hour bouts of sleeping.  So far, I get about 6...  He's also pretty consistently eating about every 3 hours.  Sometimes, I really wish it was 4, but then I remember that at least he's not at 2 anymore!  Happy day: we have some semblance of a routine now!

I haven't really witnessed a laugh yet, but I can tell he's close.  Sometimes when I talk to him, he gets a big grin on his face and makes a sound.  I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to be home with him all day so I'll most likely be there when he gives us his first belly laugh.

He rolled over from his belly to his back.  Once.  Usually, when I do tummy time, I get down on the floor and talk to him so he has something to do while he's looking at the floor.  Well, on Friday last week, I laid him down and just as I got down to his level, he pushed himself over to his back.  All I could say was, "what are you doing?!"  We've since tried to get him to do it again, but he won't.  It all leads me to believe it was an accident and he just fell...

I decided several months ago to omit the phrase "I can't wait until..." from my vocabulary.  The reality is that I really can wait, and if I'm so focused on what I "can't wait" for, I'll miss what's going on right now.  This has been kind of hard, and I slip up every now and then, but I always catch myself.  I rephrase with "I'm excited for when..." I feel like being excited for something is not going to make me lose sight of what's in front of me.  I am so glad I made this decision before I had a baby.  Otherwise I might have wished away my sweet midnight cuddles, the long sleepy sessions, the newborn size clothes, and my swaddled burrito baby.  I'd also be wishing away a lot of things that I love right now.  Life is like a locomotive right now, going at full speed.  I am just trying to savor everything that I have right now, remember things that have passed, and just let the future come when it will.