New Friends!

I originally opened this new post to start a post that I will be publishing sometime in the future... but then I remembered that I wanted to write about my new friend that I made today!
First, I have a few confessions:
I am SO lonely.  I absolutely adore my husband and my son, but I feel extremely isolated.  I couldn't figure out why.  I still don't really know, but I'm getting an idea...
Maybe I like feeling lonely?  I don't know, but I have fed into that feeling, and just end up whining about it like all the time. 

So, last Sunday, at our 1 pm meeting (I am super excited for January, because anything is better than 1 pm... except for 1:30 pm... but our building doesn't have a ward at 1:30)  Anyway, I digress...
Bennett was getting very tired, like babies do after being awake for more than 2 hours.  So, like a good member, I stuck out sacrament meeting until I got the sacrament, but then I left to walk the halls with my little cutie.  (Side note: Steven always offers, but since we teach primary and I can't leave the class with him, he gets to take the baby during the lesson, therefore, I get him before...)  My plan was to get my kid to sleep.  I could see it in his adorable little face that he was so tired.  Possibly overtired (which is not cool).  He had other ideas though, and any time I tried to sit and rock him, he just squirmed and grunted.  So, walk I did.  I happened upon a cute little guy in one of the foyers.  He looked bigger than Bennett, and I knew immediately that he was older because he was army crawling towards me.  I did the natural thing to do when a baby is looking at you: I talked to him.  His mom appeared (really not that long after he did, he was being watched, I promise).  And we started to chat.  She told me that my baby was cute (mommy-pride moment... I know my kid is cute, and I just love it when other people tell me he is.  It boosts my confidence that I make cute babies, haha).  It didn't take long to figure out that we lived in the same apartment complex, and that she has lived in the ward less time than we have.
Long story short: Bennett didn't get to sleep, but I found out where my new friend lived.  (Baby slept later, during sharing time...)
Fast forward to Wednesday night.  Relief Society Activity.  yay.  I used to love going to those things.  I've gone to every one that they've had since we moved in, but I just don't feel like I fit in.
Now, here, I have to stop and tell you about a conversation I had with Steven a few days ago.  We were discussing possible reasons why church was so different here.  And this was the conclusion we came to:  When we moved into the married student ward, we were welcomed warmly.  We had instant friends (besides the ones we already knew).  It was like we were adopted into this huge, fun family that loved us without knowing us and they got us.  I have to stress that our welcome to Lehi was not cold by any means.  Our first Sunday, we arrived pretty early and every member of the bishopric introduced themselves to us and chatted with us for several minutes.  At that point, I was feeling pretty good about the new ward.  But it kind of stopped there.  A few more people have made an effort to get to know us, but not many.  And it really doesn't help that we got called to primary right after we moved in.  But overall, the people in Lehi aren't very different than those we knew in Logan.
There is one difference though.  And we think that it's why our experience has been what it has.  It is this:  Married student wards are fluid, transient, and, generally, are not the same from week to week.  Family wards are stagnant, stable, unchanging (for the most part).  The difference is that the people in our Logan ward had A LOT more practice welcoming people in.  We're talking it's the only thing they do every week.  We don't think that the people here are any less kind, generous, loving, welcoming, or caring.  They are very much all of these things.  They just don't have the practice that is the natural result of living in a ward that is literally getting several new people every week.
Ok, back to my story...
I decided to go to the activity.  After all, how can I expect to meet people if I sit at home every day?  Also, sitting at home gets very boring.  I kinda hoped my new mommy friend would be there, but I was not surprised she wasn't.  It was a toenail painting party (it had a pretty cute spiritual message with it about testimony too).  I do know a few women.. haha, the primary presidency mostly... and they were there.  But basically, I didn't have a great time.  I had Bennett so Steven could work on homework while I was gone, and he was, shall we say, less than thrilled I wasn't holding him (or putting him to bed...).  A very nice lady tried to help by holding him.  I let her, but I knew the baby was just going to scream... which he did.  Anyway, I left the activity feeling worse than when I went.  Is that how it's supposed to go?  No.
I knew that something needed to change, and that that something wasn't going to be the women in our ward (I'm pretty sure they don't really need to change).  Singing my baby to sleep, I ran out of lullabies, so I started on children's hymns (honestly, I love to sing them as lullabies... my kid's going to know them before he ever gets to primary, and that makes me happy).  I was singing I am a Child of God and in the third verse it says "if I but learn to do his will..." and I just prayed silently "what is that?"  The answer came almost before I was done thinking the question and it was that I needed to go and visit my new friend.
It took almost all day because I had to have built-up courage and a happy baby at the same time.  It happened though, and this afternoon, Bennett and I left to check the mail and visit my new friend.  I was feeling confident until I got to the bottom of her stairs and looked up and saw her door.  I had absolutely no reason to knock on her door, except that I felt like I should.  No cookies (or other baked goods).  Nothing.  But I did it.  And she let us in, and we talked for about 45 minutes.  When I got up to leave, she asked for my phone number.  And then she said something that really confirmed that I was supposed to go over there today.  "I was thinking about it yesterday, and was like, 'can I go over there?' but I wasn't sure, and I didn't have your number, so I didn't." (side note: kinda glad she didn't since I'm pretty sure a tornado went through my home, and I really need to clean up after it...)
Somehow, I need to remember my "welcoming" skills, or I guess you could call them "friend making" skills.  It is totally up to me to cure this loneliness.  I can't sit like a hermit in my apartment and expect to feel better about my social life.  That would maybe be defined as insanity.
So, today, I am ending the day in higher spirits than I have in a long time.  And maybe this place isn't so bad after all.

p.s. I know that most of you have forgotten the passing reference I made to a future post at the beginning.  But some have most surely not.  No, I'm not pregnant.  And no, it's not some other big announcement.  Just a thought in progress (and I probably should have jotted it down because at this moment, I can't remember what it was...)

Family Home Evening

So, we've decided we really need to get our rears in gear and start doing family home evening consistently.  I kind of feel like October and April are my "New Year's" because of General Conference.  When I'm listening/watching, I'm mentally making a list of resolutions.  This time, having FHE, and studying all the talks from this conference were among the things that made the list.
I decided to kill 2 birds with one stone (sort of), and made an FHE schedule.  It required we start on the Monday right after conference, and we didn't, so today we discussed 2 talks.  The idea is that during the week, Steven and I independently study the talk of the week, then on Monday night, we will take turns leading a discussion about said talk.  I am really excited for the next six months.  I have always wanted to go through and study all of the talks from conference, but I've never made a plan.  Now, we have a plan.  And I think that we will find it is much easier to accomplish this goal with a plan!
Today, we talked about Elder Hales' talk and Elder Soares' talk.  LOVED them both.  Elder Hale's talk was just the perfect way to kick off our conference study because it was about conference.  I loved this line from it:

It created in me yet another resolution, and that is to share the gospel through social media.  I just think that there is so much *yuck* out there, that it needs to be countered.  I will be keeping my twitter account, and I will be using it to share spiritual thoughts. (I suppose you could follow me... but I don't remember exactly my twitter name that I ended up with. I'll get back to you on that... *ahem* @PinkGlitter922 hehe, I love pink and I love glitter)

Elder Soares' talk got me going on a distracted (but very good) study tangent. I ended up in Preach My Gospel looking at Christlike Attributes.  It's amazing how much differently my days are if I take the time to study the gospel.  

SO, we're off to a great start!  I know it won't always be easy, but my hope is to establish a routine in our home that will make it a place that is more conducive to having the spirit here.

October Updates

General Conference.

This time around went wwwaaayyy too fast!  We just stayed home, because, seriously… wrestling my baby anywhere else sounded like soooo much FUN!  We may try going to temple square for April, but that’s, like, 6 months away, so I’m not really planning it yet.

I really enjoyed the talks.  I also joined twitter on Saturday.  I’m still trying to decide if that was a mistake or not… anyway, I really liked reading the tweets during the sessions.  Someone said it was like conference cliff notes.  I thought that was clever. I think I might dedicate another post entirely to General Conference once they have them so I can read them (or maybe just after I listen to the talks again… which in all honesty will probably be after they’re available in print…)

A favorite quote from conference.

My FOUR month old!

I swear, the time is just flying.  He’s actually like 4 ½ months old now…

-He STILL hasn’t rolled over again.  Maybe he thought I was disapproving when I asked what he was doing that first time… I’m ok with him not rolling over yet, but I know it is close, so basically I turn on a video camera every time I put him on his tummy (I really want to catch it!) (Maybe that’s the problem?! He’s camera-shy?)

-He sits.  Sort of.  If I put him on the floor and position his feet good, he can balance for about 10 seconds.  (I really thought rolling came before sitting?)  Anyway, he loves to be upright so he can see everything going on (which is SO much at our house during the day… not).  I put him in his Bumbo seat, but I can’t put him there right after he eats, or else… well, basically I have to feed him again.  Something about the way he leans over the side (silly kid) puts pressure on his belly just the right way, and, well he turns into a volcano.  Super fun, I know.

-He loves being outside.  Seriously, he can be screaming, inconsolable, and teary eyed, and I will take him outside and it’s like… magic.  I took him for a walk in the stroller the other day… he made not one peep.  Just content to look around.  Same thing today when we went to temple square.  Silent.  I can’t even get him to crack a smile (which I think is weird… if he likes it so much, why won’t he smile when we’re there??)

-WE HAVE A BEDTIME ROUTINE!  Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but it is.  We have a routine and he knows it.  When we get to the end, his eyes droop.  I’m a believer.  ALSO, I don’t get screamed at (like I’m slitting his throat) when it’s time for a nap (most of the time).  It seems the ease of sleep has evened out: you see, a few weeks ago, bedtime was like a cake walk, but naps were walking on hot coals.  Now, bedtime isn’t quite as easy, but naptime is SO much easier.  Our current problem is waking during the night (not usually to eat, just to… cry?) and he cannot self soothe.  *deep breath* we’re working on teaching all of these sleep things, but it takes time and patience (especially since I cannot just let him “cry it out” that’s just not for me)… And the ability to take it one day at a time.

-We finally bought size 2 diapers yesterday.  Begrudgingly.  At his 4 month checkup (which went WAY better than the 2 month, by the way) he was 13 lbs 14 oz.  Size one supposedly goes up to 14 lbs.  I was like, “One more box of 1’s?  Please?”  But we got on the scale and weighed him (you know, weigh yourself, and then weigh yourself with the kid…) before we went to the store… Little stinker gained a whole pound.  I relented and bought 2’s.  Here’s my beef: I pay the same amount, yet I get like 30 less diapers.  I wanted to keep his little bottom… well, little, for a while.  It’s cheaper.  I have to say though, every time I change his diaper now (still finishing off the 1’s) I feel like we made the right choice… they might be getting a little tight…

-My kid dances.  It’s hilarious.  He’ll lay on his back and kick his legs and move his hips and arms.  Sometimes to a beat (if there is one… mostly he’s dancing to the silence).  And with a big smile on his face.  He also sometimes dances if I’m holding him in a standing position.  It’s a great bicep workout. ;)

-The strap of the binky was made for chewing.  Duh.  As was every part of the binky that is not the silicone nipple…

-He greets me with the most adorable grins in the mornings.  Seriously, if I ever woke up grumpy (which I don’t… guess I just like mornings), I would not be grumpy anymore when I saw his sweet face.  It would be impossible.

-I don’t have to feed him at church (most weeks) anymore!  Hallelujah!

-Pediatrician says I can start solids.  I say I can wait to add the stress to my life.  He doesn’t need them yet, and I’m not ready to give them yet.  Period.

-Some of my favorite clothes are getting too small.  And by too small, I mean too short.  My child is in the 83rd percentile for height, but only the 16^th for weight.  He is tall and skinny.  Everything still fits great around him.  It’s just that up and down him is getting a little stretched thin…  *sigh* he’s going to be one of *those* kids… you know the ones that can’t find anything tall enough that is also small enough around…  I guess I better get practicing on my sewing machine.

I just love him.  I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to be his mom, and that I get to stay home with him.  I know some are not blessed with that luxury.

At the park, first time on the swing.

"Mom, give me that phone! I want to eat it!"

Omnomom...

Primary

I'm still struggling a little with this.  But I do love our kids.  Maybe there's something in conference for me about this...

Postpartum

That word has always had a gross annotation for me, not sure why… anyway, I just want to say that I thought that my super sniffer would, you know, go away, once I wasn’t pregnant anymore… NOPE!  I can definitely still smell incredibly well.  Awesome, right?  Yeah, except for when the neighbor kids decided it would be fun to play… in the dumpster??? They must have stirred it up good cause when we got home from Temple Square today, it smelled like… garbage.  What really is awesome is that I can tell if my son has a poopy diaper without being very close to him.  (Strange, the things we find awesome when we become parents, no?)  Also, my hair has gone completely wacko.  First, it *almost* all fell out (ok, ok, I exaggerate... slightly), now it's growing back in... my hair line looks like I shaved it, and now it's growing back in...  Good thing I got bangs to cover it up.  And then, something I wished for actually came true!  It's growing blonde again!  But I have this weird stripe of dark between when I dyed it last, and when I had Bennett.  It's so odd...

You can kind of see it here.

Christmas

I know it might be a bit early to be saying that word… but I do an ornament exchange with my Sisters/Mother-in-Law around Thanksgiving.  Any ideas for homemade, inexpensive Christmas tree ornaments would be welcome.  I have a pinterest board with ideas, but if you have a stellar one (or even just a good one) let me know! 

I also need to start thinking about making Bennett's stocking...

Halloween

Seems like the more appropriate topic.  But I don’t have much to say except I’M SUPER EXCITED FOR IT!  I’m working on our costumes, and don’t even worry about it, there will be an entire post on them… be excited with me, it’s ok.   (Remember 2 years ago?  It’ll be almost this awesome… since I have no idea how I’d beat actually being mistaken for the thing I dressed up as…and almost not winning the costume contest because of it)

Hmm… I think that’s enough updates for now.  I was recently made aware of an extraordinary idea to make a time machine to do things you want but still get the sleep you need… and since that hasn’t been invented yet, I should probably go to bed so I’m not tempted to ignore the baby’s cries when he wakes up in the night morning…

Tender Mercies

My aunt connected me with this article.  I cried.  Every day, Steven tells me that I "do so much" and I usually just feel like all I did that day was battle my baby to sleep, and I am SO exhausted.  But this article buoyed me up a little.  My very favorite part of the article was the last statement:

"Take a deep, slow breath. Close your eyes and measure your day not as tasks, but as feelings, as sounds, as colors. Exhaustion is part of it. And it’s true, you will get “nothing” done. But the hard parts will fade. The intense, burning love is what remains, and it is yours to keep forever."

If there are any other new (or not so new) mommas out there that feel like I have for the last 3 months, read the article.  And cry with no shame. :)

Well, I took the plunge!

I made my own laundry soap, that is.  It was easy.  Well, not "buy pre-made" easy, but it certainly wasn't difficult.  It took me about a half an hour (and I think that's just because I grated the soap and then ground it up to powder...), and now I have soap for... well, honestly, probably at least a year.  We'll see.
I wish I had some good advice to give anyone who is considering doing this, but I'm not really sure I do.  Maybe after I've used it for a while I will have some words of wisdom for you all.  I do believe that it will save me money (though I'm not sure how much... I should figure that out.)  The one thing I would say to someone thinking about making your own laundry soap is this:  Call a grocery store bakery (I called Smith's) and ask if they have any frosting buckets.  A lot of the blogs that I read about homemade laundry soap said that they bought a large container to put it in, but the 2 gallon frosting bucket from the Smith's Bakery was big enough (barely...).  And it was FREE!  And I don't know about any of you, but if I'm out to save money, I don't want to be spending money on things that I can get for nothing.  Call me crazy.
Anyway, I'll probably give an update/review of the laundry soap sometime in the coming months (weeks? I don't know).  In the mean time, if anyone who lives around here wants to try using some without "taking the plunge" I'll be happy to let you sample it to see if you like it.

I've Learned...

Being a mom is hard.  I knew that, but I don't think you can really know that unless you've actually tried it.  Being a mom is also very rewarding.  I also knew that, but as with the hard thing, I don't think you can know that for real unless you've been there.

I've realized recently that my baby is just... well, growing.  Much to my dismay.  Just kidding.  Sort of.  I look back at pictures taken when he was only days or weeks old, and I marvel at how much he's grown since then.  Putting away baby clothes is so sad!  (I actually saw an outfit at Kohls that is the same as one I had for him as a newborn, but bigger... I almost bought it so I could pretend...)  He is (well was at his 2 month check-up) in the 95th percentile for height.  My kid is tall.  Putting him in "3 month" pajamas is not possible.  He's wearing pj's that are size 6 months.  He looks way more comfy, but... He's just so TALL!

I figured out this morning that he doesn't like being swaddled anymore.  I should have taken a hint when he would SCREAM whenever I would try to get him to sleep.  I think we were both frustrated.  I would just sit there in the chair and let him cry it out, until finally he was apparently too exhausted to care whether his arms and legs (well usually just legs... he's good at getting his arms out) were immobile.  He would whimper until he was finally out, and I'd put him down.  This morning, I realized that he was kicking in his bed until the blanket was off his feet.  And then he sprawled.  It was pretty funny.  And a light bulb went off in my head.  Maybe I should try not wrapping him up at all.  (which made me sad because I FINALLY found some blankets I felt I could wrap him in without him cooking...) Well, I did.  I just held him horizontal in my arms, put his blanket next to his face, and it was like magic.  Seriously.  He was asleep in seconds.  I didn't even have time to get up and take him to his bed so he could fall asleep there.  I sat there in shock, just staring at him and feeling really bad about all those times we sat there just being frustrated with each other.  I can only hope that next time I need to learn something, it's not so long before I figure it out.  Life will be much happier if it isn't.

My mom gave us a bumbo seat.  I love it.  He likes to sit up, but if I'm being honest, there are things I should  be doing during the day, and I can't just sit and hold him upright all day (as much as I'd really love that... anyone know why the cleaning fairies haven't made it to my house???).  He lets me know when he's sick of it too... and it's pretty hilarious.  He just yells.  And if I go up to him and talk to him, he sometimes stops, but sometimes he just looks at me and keeps yelling until I pick him up.

Bennett is pretty consistent with sleeping through the night (unless, of course, I'm not consistent with putting him to bed when I should.  Interesting how if he is up too late, he gets up more during the night...).  I just need to get good at going to bed when he does so I can fully benefit from his 8 hour bouts of sleeping.  So far, I get about 6...  He's also pretty consistently eating about every 3 hours.  Sometimes, I really wish it was 4, but then I remember that at least he's not at 2 anymore!  Happy day: we have some semblance of a routine now!

I haven't really witnessed a laugh yet, but I can tell he's close.  Sometimes when I talk to him, he gets a big grin on his face and makes a sound.  I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to be home with him all day so I'll most likely be there when he gives us his first belly laugh.

He rolled over from his belly to his back.  Once.  Usually, when I do tummy time, I get down on the floor and talk to him so he has something to do while he's looking at the floor.  Well, on Friday last week, I laid him down and just as I got down to his level, he pushed himself over to his back.  All I could say was, "what are you doing?!"  We've since tried to get him to do it again, but he won't.  It all leads me to believe it was an accident and he just fell...

I decided several months ago to omit the phrase "I can't wait until..." from my vocabulary.  The reality is that I really can wait, and if I'm so focused on what I "can't wait" for, I'll miss what's going on right now.  This has been kind of hard, and I slip up every now and then, but I always catch myself.  I rephrase with "I'm excited for when..." I feel like being excited for something is not going to make me lose sight of what's in front of me.  I am so glad I made this decision before I had a baby.  Otherwise I might have wished away my sweet midnight cuddles, the long sleepy sessions, the newborn size clothes, and my swaddled burrito baby.  I'd also be wishing away a lot of things that I love right now.  Life is like a locomotive right now, going at full speed.  I am just trying to savor everything that I have right now, remember things that have passed, and just let the future come when it will.

Updates!

I figure that now my kid is 3 months old, I can write a blog post…

The last three months have been kind of crazy.  Well, the beginning of three months ago was crazy.  I had a baby, Steven got a new job, and we moved 2 hours away all in 3 weeks.  Yikes… Word to the wise, if you can help it, don’t move with a new baby.  Seriously.  I felt completely useless in the moving process since I was still recovering from childbirth, I couldn't really do anything but say, “Uh, you can put that in that box…” and take care of my baby. 

So, we moved to Lehi… but we went back to Logan for the next two Sundays because… we just couldn't pull ourselves away (and we wanted to bless Bennett in our ward there.)  I still miss Logan, but I try not to think about it since there isn't much we can do about that right now.

I think we had gone to our new ward in Lehi about 3 times when we got a phone call… and a calling.  Primary teachers.  I have never in my life had reservations about accepting a calling before this one.  When I was 16 I was the youth camp director, when I went to college, I was a librarian and a visiting teaching supervisor, and when we were in the married student ward, I was the “ward writer.”  None of these caused me to feel like I didn't want to accept.  And honestly, I don’t think I ever thought it would be hard to accept any calling, let alone one involving children!  We have been teaching for 5 weeks now, and I’m still exercising faith to figure out why we were put there.  I have to say though, it is nice to spend the whole day at church with my hubby.  :)

            
Steven LOVES his job.  He never comes home upset, and whenever people ask him how he likes it, I can just tell how much happier he is there than he was at his last one.  It also provides us a little more income, which I guess is good since we have this little person that is expensive… did you know that they’re expensive?  (I hear it only gets worse… yikes!)

            
Every day I am in awe at my little man.  I have to look at pictures to actually realize how big he’s getting.  I used to really wish it would stop, that I could keep him tiny forever… but I’m actually excited every day to see him grow.  That’s not to say I can’t wait, I've just stopped wishing he wouldn't grow anymore.  I found it was just adding to my sadness about not being in Logan anymore, and it’s hard to function sad… so I decided that I’d take each day and love what it brought.

            
I need to make an appointment for my kid’s 4 month check-up and… shots.  But I just don’t know if I want to go back to the place that I went to for his 2 month check-up.  They didn't give me the choice to hold him or not, and he was just lying on the table when the nurse poked his cute chubby legs 3 times.  I was looking into his eyes and I will never forget the look on his face.  I think it maybe scarred me a little, and I just want to hold my baby while he gets his shots.  I plan on calling the office to find out if they give the option of holding your child when they get their shots, if not, I’ll be in the market for a new pediatrician (and to be honest, I wasn't all that impressed with the one I chose anyway…)

            
Welp, there’s your random, but far overdue, update!